lets talk about

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"all my life...

...I pray someone like you and I thank God that, that I finally found you..."

Aii aii, the song has ingiad! Walalala. Remember that song by K-Ci and Jo-Jo? Yaani who the hell said that that name is cool? Ati K-Ci and Jo-Jo. Kumbe his whole name is Kilowatt Clement and Josephat Jeremiah.

Hey but atleast the song is not as corny as R. Kelly's Sex in the Kitchen. Now that is a BAD song. Cheap.

Having a party at home this Friday. An 80's joint. You guys are welcome. I was going to color my hair...decided my hair is not caucasian...if I dye it wrong, it will fall off in clumps.

happy place, natural make-up and locs

I recently went to a women's spoken word concert. Beautiful. All natural, African Americans embracing their culture. They were not trying to be African, they were not trying to be anything but themselves. I was surrounded by a euphoria. They danced and read and told jokes. They sang and praised and I saw "woman."

Then I went to NY. One of the largest cities in the world. I met a diverse group of people and wondered where all the white people were.

I was surrounded by shops, restaurants and lights. I met Adam who sold paintings on the side of the road. He reminded me that it is nice to have money. It buys comfort. But it is also nice to have none but be happy wth what you do. He stopped using drugs and alcohol because of a woman he met. She didn't ask it but he decided to stop. He chose to leave his music career to sell his art. He taught this woman to paint. And how to speak English.

I also met Mirella. She had lost her son the week before and she told me that every mother prays to God each night to take care of her children. Each mother has a space in her heart for her children. She told me that when her father died it broke her heart. When her son died she had no heart. She was working to keep from getting depressed.

I saw young woman, lover, mother, traveller. I saw woman and I loved her throughout.

total recall

A man turned me on today. Not by by how he looked or by how he talked but by his sheer imagination. I met the designer of a BMW model for Alpine Electronics. The machine looked much like something out of a Sci-Fi. Sliding doors, central steering wheel, titanium inside with two centrally placed seats, and speakers all over the interior. http://www.alpine-usa.com/ click on BMW 5X. It wasn't the machine but the fact that in his mind, he saw this machine. He asked me what I thought of the machine.

"It's scary."
"Scary? I see what you mean...it is kind of aggressive."
"No...it's not aggressive. It's scary."
"Why?"
"It is kind of like a scary look into the future. Have you watched Total Recall?"

I am still astounded by his talent. It wasn't the car but the fact that he saw it in his mind.

It makes me wonder about myself. How much of my talent am I stiffling by saying that there are other things to be done? By saying that first I need to attain this or that degree, to get through school, to make time.

When will this time that I am making come? I don't fit into this mold. What I am doing now is not what I was meant to be. There is more to me. It burns and it hurts.

Why am I afraid of it? That it will consume me and make me visibly crazy outside as I am inside. I know I have this thing inside and I let it drive me crazy. So I sit. Watching it. Watching me. Watching time.

The man turned me on. He turned me on.

men beware!!

This was too funny a story to pass up. She must be a Nyeri woman. Girl power!!!Whoooooohoooo!!! Adds flavor to what I usually say is the best punishment. Cut off his testicles and super glue them to his forehead!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/1/hi/world/africa/3655190.stm

I apologise for the violent content of this particular blog...too much coke, too late at night.

lady

I love my job sometimes. I just talked to a lady about Bloomingdales. She told me about her son who met a Filipino girl and got engaged 3 weeks ago. We talked about Turkey her home country and she told me about her survival from breast cancer. I loved her in an instant. She sat down asking for directions to Bloomingdales (1hr 16 mins away) and I loved her in that instant. I hugged her at the end of the conversation. I feel like crying. I feel so happy.

it goes on

I guess the FIFA president in not alone in wanting sexier female football players:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/africa/4332715.stm

I still think that the male soccer players (Baggio again) should wear net vests so that we can see their pulsating "muscules" and leopard print undies so that we can see their swollen... I'll let you think on that.

Bob and his women

Maybe what Bob did with the women is the true meaning of "One Love."

I am.

I am lucky to have the comforts that I do. God has got nothing to do with it. I would say I am blessed by God but I know he has nothing to do with it.

If he blessed me then he cursed those who do not have what I have. I do not have what others have because really I have no need for those things.

Therefore I am not lucky. I merely have what I need.

When will I then be grateful that my wants are fulfilled. To whom should I be grateful to, if God has got nothing to do with it.

castaway

I'm back from my dhow trip down the Mississippi. I wasn't looking for it but I had to post this:
Cat survives 10-mile trip on top of car Motorist alerts owner of 'Cuddle Bug's' precarious position
The Associated Press
Updated: 1:48 p.m. ET March 4, 2005
INKOM, Idaho - Torri Hutchinson's cat might just have one less life to live. Hutchison was driving along Interstate 15 one day recently when a motorist kept trying to get her attention and pointing to the roof of her car.
She said she was wary of the man, but wondered if perhaps her ski rack might have come loose.
She pulled over to the side, but kept her doors locked and the motor running.
The man pulled up behind her. Hutchinson rolled down her window to hear the man frantically shouting, "Your cat! Your cat!"
He reached for the roof of her car and handed the shocked Hutchinson her orange tabby.
She had driven about 10 miles with the cat on top of the car, and didn't even notice the feline when she stopped for gas.
Hutchinson said Cuddle Bug, or C.B. for short, had climbed into the back of her car as she was getting ready to leave. She put him out, but he must have jumped on the roof while she wasn't looking, she said.
© 2005 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7088318/?GT1=6305
It kinda reminds me of my life...I would be the cat in the story.

so line up your soldiers coz...

...Alicia rules the world!! It has been a while since I heard this song. Always makes me feel like the chick in army fatigue, war paint, lip gloss and a manicure.

Did I ever tell you about my Professor who despite all his knowledge thinks Kenya does not have sky scrappers hence why it is easier to see the sun rise and set. Or has no knowledge about Mwalimu Julius Nyerere, philosopher king, yet my Professor teaches a course on " The Republic" Plato and "Utopia" by Sir Thomas More? Or while talking about paradise, I talked about the similarity to many Kenyan desciptions of paradise and he said it is probably because it is not that developed. Or when he asked me about when I came to the US because my English is so good.

See my shoe?

The underside of it?

Yes right there.

Kiss it, Sir.

Hmmmm

So tonight I join a friend for a night of Ska. What the hell is that?

Sitting in French class daydreaming, I only noticed that I had nodded my head in agreement when the professor called my name out and asked me to elaborate on my thoughts. Crap!! What had she been talking about. The class went silent and everyone turned to look at me. I started to sweat a cold sweat as I realised that for sure she would know that I had not been listening and had infact been dreaming about sex.

Crap.

Why of all times did I have to be thinking about sex? Why in the middle of class when I knew there was a likelihood of me being singled out? Why when I would have to fidget with my scarce French to try to sound intelligent?

Crap.

ordinary day

I don't consider myself a feminist in the classical way. I won't burn a bra or bray for the blood of the oppressive male. I think I am to be classified as a liberal feminist. If I were to be classified at all.

I don't like the word empowerment. I detest it.

I think I don't even like the word feminist.

This is what happens on an ordinary day. Mid- sentence monsters.

Thesis #5: Always listen to your gut instinct. It is reason without the perversion of logic. It just is right.

$20 dollars

Interesting. Embarassing. Humbling. Yes, it hurts in an ugly way.

I was bought for $20 by my friend. I say this knowing that I am attractive. Pretty even. Yet I was sold for $20 and bought by a friend I know. I say it letting those who read this think that is my worth because that is what it felt like at the moment. I felt worth $20 and not a fifty cent more, yet I know...

Do I?

Disappointing.

The guy who bought me says that I was placed at a bad time when the show only had about 10 mins left to it and people were leaving. That people passed me up and he was lucky to be able to afford me.

He said I was in shock. Then he sat with me late into the wee hours of the morning, watching Pulp Fiction and talking and listening to Cesaria Evora. I fell asleep and so did he.

I realised how much I value how I look. I know that the timing was bad but it does not take away the way it felt. And I am embarrased by my value for this thing that does not represent who I really am.

Maybe it does and this whole time I have been picking it apart as if it didn't and letting it down. Hiding it so that it is never questioned. Letting it only be admired by those who love me because I know that with them I will not be wrongly criticized.

I don't like the lumpy, heavy feeling I get when I want to "outdress" other women.

This is my insecurity. It is worth $20.

mirror, mirror on the wall

On the form I filled in one of the questions was "What is your best feature."

Tomorrow I pick my nicest clothes maybe show alittle cleavage or leg and stand to be auctioned off. My first date auction and I am in it. I don't even remember how I volunteered myself. I think it was over a breakfast bun. Maybe it was the coffee.

What if no one buys me.

A test of my womanhood. Can I stand and let my feminine ways speak for me so that I won't be embarrased? I am half tempted to show up in jeans and a t-shirt. I am half tempted to dress scantily. But I think I know better.

Will I be less of a woman if no one buys me? Will I hurt? Does it mean I am any less sexy if I am sold at the cheapest price? Will it go to my head if I am sold at the highest price?

Is this a measure of how powerful first impressions are? How vain will I get? How much will this one moment matter to me?

pain

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Jesus said...

"Love thy neighbours as thyself."

Thesis #4: Love thyself in thy neighbours.

mwangaza

Hehehe...I am listening to a guy playing the piano. I am amazed by the fact that he knows this particular tune "Mwanga wangu mdogo nitauwangaza, mwanga wangu mdogo..." then as I was about to jump out of my seat to check if he is Kenyan, I realised he is playing "This light of mine" and not the Swahili version of it.

Yes I haven't written in a while. Life took over.

Reading a book about ancient African godesses and I am fascinated to learn that Mary the Virgin was based on the Egyptian godess, Isis. Also finding out that early Egyptians came from Eastern Africa. And so did their gods. Where have I been? How come I didn't know this stuff?

vanity hits the ground laughing

It has been over 3 yrs since I last fell. Today my butt connected the pavement as I slipped on ice. It was a glorious moment. I noticed how blue the sky was as I lay on the ground laughing. It felt as if a weight had been lifted of my back and any pretences I had were thoroughly washed away by the frozen waters. It has been a while and seeing as my day began with me being highly tense, this was God's swift kick in the nether region telling me to lighten up. I did.

Then I went for dinner at some over priced restaurant ( hey, free food) and gave my car to valet. Not realising it would cost me $10 to park my not so fancy Ford Aspire that has no front bumper, no a/c, no power locks but has great gas mileage. I was shocked when I was asked to dish out the coins I had collected from selling one of my books. I noted that it was cold to the valet guy. I asked if they got heaters or something to keep them warm. He said "Uh, uh, I've got my car over here," and quickly pointed to a silver BMW.

My friend tells me he was probably lying about the car being his. I would love to think that.

But I think this is a classic case of God's sense of humour. I don't think he is kidding about this joke.

Goodnight God.

Saturday night

How much of yourself would you give to a stranger before you stop because you are compromising yourself?

Case: A man walks up to you on the street. He tells you that he is homeless even though he just looks haggard but not visibly poor, he asks you for money. You have $4 in your pocket and you have a sandwich in one hand. You wanted a soda to go with your sandwich. You won't be getting any more money for another couple of days. You know however that you will be fine as long as no unexpected costs arise. Do you give him anything? If you do, how much do you give him?

Does it change things if it is a woman? What if it is a child? Does it hurt to give?