...Alicia rules the world!! It has been a while since I heard this song. Always makes me feel like the chick in army fatigue, war paint, lip gloss and a manicure.
Did I ever tell you about my Professor who despite all his knowledge thinks Kenya does not have sky scrappers hence why it is easier to see the sun rise and set. Or has no knowledge about Mwalimu Julius Nyerere, philosopher king, yet my Professor teaches a course on " The Republic" Plato and "Utopia" by Sir Thomas More? Or while talking about paradise, I talked about the similarity to many Kenyan desciptions of paradise and he said it is probably because it is not that developed. Or when he asked me about when I came to the US because my English is so good.
See my shoe?
The underside of it?
Yes right there.
Kiss it, Sir.
Monday, February 21, 2005
Thursday, February 17, 2005
Hmmmm
So tonight I join a friend for a night of Ska. What the hell is that?
Sitting in French class daydreaming, I only noticed that I had nodded my head in agreement when the professor called my name out and asked me to elaborate on my thoughts. Crap!! What had she been talking about. The class went silent and everyone turned to look at me. I started to sweat a cold sweat as I realised that for sure she would know that I had not been listening and had infact been dreaming about sex.
Crap.
Why of all times did I have to be thinking about sex? Why in the middle of class when I knew there was a likelihood of me being singled out? Why when I would have to fidget with my scarce French to try to sound intelligent?
Crap.
Sitting in French class daydreaming, I only noticed that I had nodded my head in agreement when the professor called my name out and asked me to elaborate on my thoughts. Crap!! What had she been talking about. The class went silent and everyone turned to look at me. I started to sweat a cold sweat as I realised that for sure she would know that I had not been listening and had infact been dreaming about sex.
Crap.
Why of all times did I have to be thinking about sex? Why in the middle of class when I knew there was a likelihood of me being singled out? Why when I would have to fidget with my scarce French to try to sound intelligent?
Crap.
Saturday, February 12, 2005
ordinary day
I don't consider myself a feminist in the classical way. I won't burn a bra or bray for the blood of the oppressive male. I think I am to be classified as a liberal feminist. If I were to be classified at all.
I don't like the word empowerment. I detest it.
I think I don't even like the word feminist.
This is what happens on an ordinary day. Mid- sentence monsters.
Thesis #5: Always listen to your gut instinct. It is reason without the perversion of logic. It just is right.
I don't like the word empowerment. I detest it.
I think I don't even like the word feminist.
This is what happens on an ordinary day. Mid- sentence monsters.
Thesis #5: Always listen to your gut instinct. It is reason without the perversion of logic. It just is right.
Friday, February 11, 2005
$20 dollars
Interesting. Embarassing. Humbling. Yes, it hurts in an ugly way.
I was bought for $20 by my friend. I say this knowing that I am attractive. Pretty even. Yet I was sold for $20 and bought by a friend I know. I say it letting those who read this think that is my worth because that is what it felt like at the moment. I felt worth $20 and not a fifty cent more, yet I know...
Do I?
Disappointing.
The guy who bought me says that I was placed at a bad time when the show only had about 10 mins left to it and people were leaving. That people passed me up and he was lucky to be able to afford me.
He said I was in shock. Then he sat with me late into the wee hours of the morning, watching Pulp Fiction and talking and listening to Cesaria Evora. I fell asleep and so did he.
I realised how much I value how I look. I know that the timing was bad but it does not take away the way it felt. And I am embarrased by my value for this thing that does not represent who I really am.
Maybe it does and this whole time I have been picking it apart as if it didn't and letting it down. Hiding it so that it is never questioned. Letting it only be admired by those who love me because I know that with them I will not be wrongly criticized.
I don't like the lumpy, heavy feeling I get when I want to "outdress" other women.
This is my insecurity. It is worth $20.
I was bought for $20 by my friend. I say this knowing that I am attractive. Pretty even. Yet I was sold for $20 and bought by a friend I know. I say it letting those who read this think that is my worth because that is what it felt like at the moment. I felt worth $20 and not a fifty cent more, yet I know...
Do I?
Disappointing.
The guy who bought me says that I was placed at a bad time when the show only had about 10 mins left to it and people were leaving. That people passed me up and he was lucky to be able to afford me.
He said I was in shock. Then he sat with me late into the wee hours of the morning, watching Pulp Fiction and talking and listening to Cesaria Evora. I fell asleep and so did he.
I realised how much I value how I look. I know that the timing was bad but it does not take away the way it felt. And I am embarrased by my value for this thing that does not represent who I really am.
Maybe it does and this whole time I have been picking it apart as if it didn't and letting it down. Hiding it so that it is never questioned. Letting it only be admired by those who love me because I know that with them I will not be wrongly criticized.
I don't like the lumpy, heavy feeling I get when I want to "outdress" other women.
This is my insecurity. It is worth $20.
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
mirror, mirror on the wall
On the form I filled in one of the questions was "What is your best feature."
Tomorrow I pick my nicest clothes maybe show alittle cleavage or leg and stand to be auctioned off. My first date auction and I am in it. I don't even remember how I volunteered myself. I think it was over a breakfast bun. Maybe it was the coffee.
What if no one buys me.
A test of my womanhood. Can I stand and let my feminine ways speak for me so that I won't be embarrased? I am half tempted to show up in jeans and a t-shirt. I am half tempted to dress scantily. But I think I know better.
Will I be less of a woman if no one buys me? Will I hurt? Does it mean I am any less sexy if I am sold at the cheapest price? Will it go to my head if I am sold at the highest price?
Is this a measure of how powerful first impressions are? How vain will I get? How much will this one moment matter to me?
Tomorrow I pick my nicest clothes maybe show alittle cleavage or leg and stand to be auctioned off. My first date auction and I am in it. I don't even remember how I volunteered myself. I think it was over a breakfast bun. Maybe it was the coffee.
What if no one buys me.
A test of my womanhood. Can I stand and let my feminine ways speak for me so that I won't be embarrased? I am half tempted to show up in jeans and a t-shirt. I am half tempted to dress scantily. But I think I know better.
Will I be less of a woman if no one buys me? Will I hurt? Does it mean I am any less sexy if I am sold at the cheapest price? Will it go to my head if I am sold at the highest price?
Is this a measure of how powerful first impressions are? How vain will I get? How much will this one moment matter to me?
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Sunday, February 06, 2005
Saturday, February 05, 2005
mwangaza
Hehehe...I am listening to a guy playing the piano. I am amazed by the fact that he knows this particular tune "Mwanga wangu mdogo nitauwangaza, mwanga wangu mdogo..." then as I was about to jump out of my seat to check if he is Kenyan, I realised he is playing "This light of mine" and not the Swahili version of it.
Yes I haven't written in a while. Life took over.
Reading a book about ancient African godesses and I am fascinated to learn that Mary the Virgin was based on the Egyptian godess, Isis. Also finding out that early Egyptians came from Eastern Africa. And so did their gods. Where have I been? How come I didn't know this stuff?
Yes I haven't written in a while. Life took over.
Reading a book about ancient African godesses and I am fascinated to learn that Mary the Virgin was based on the Egyptian godess, Isis. Also finding out that early Egyptians came from Eastern Africa. And so did their gods. Where have I been? How come I didn't know this stuff?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)